1. The most important biblical passages touching on the question of marriage, divorce, and remarriage include Genesis 2:18-24; Deuteronomy 24:1-4; Malachi 2:13-16; Matthew 5:31-32; 19:1-12; Mark 10:1-12; 1 Corinthians 7:12-16; Ephesians 5:22-33; and 1 Peter 3:1-7. Scholars and pastors who love Scripture and hold fast to its supreme authority disagree to some extent about the interpretation of these passages, so what I am setting forth in this handout is a discussion of my own personal conviction, based on my own grappling over many years with the texts above.
2. Most importantly, the Bible affirms that marriage from the beginning, even before there was sin in the world, has been established by God the Creator as a covenant relationship between one man and one woman that includes the fundamental promises that, by God’s grace, the husband and wife 1) will love one another with a steadfast love, and 2) will keep themselves only unto one another so long as they both shall live (Genesis 2:24). God thus wants the “default setting” of all married couples to be complete sexual and emotional faithfulness, until they are parted by death. “What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate” (Matthew 19:6). God created marriage to bring joy to human beings and, more deeply, to be a glorious picture to the world of nothing less than the loving, covenantal relationship between Jesus and the church (Ephesians 5:25-32).
3. However, because of our human sin (Mark 10:5), God allows divorce in a certain limited number of cases.
4. My belief is that the Bible clearly allows for (but does not require) divorce by the offended spouse in cases of sexual immorality like adultery and homosexual acts (Matthew 19:9) and in cases of abandonment (1 Corinthians 7:15). This appears to be the historic position of most Protestant churches concerning the grounds for divorce. For example, The Westminster Confession of Faith (1647) says regarding this issue: “Although the corruption of man be such as . . . to put asunder those whom God hath joined together in marriage, yet nothing but adultery, or such willful desertion as can no way be remedied by the Church or civil magistrate, is cause sufficient for dissolving the bond of marriage” Westminster Confession, Chapter 24, art. 6.
5. Are there other cases in which divorce might be scripturally permissible? That is a hard question to answer, and I think the Bible always wants us to err on the side of trying to save marriages, but there may be some cases. For example, many years ago I counseled with a wife who had discovered that her husband was literally the not the person he had represented himself to be prior to the marriage. In other words, he had fraudulently induced her into marrying him. Because in this case the whole marriage was an act of fraud by the husband, I concluded that the Bible would allow that wife to divorce that husband.
6. My personal opinion is that Matthew 19:9, which is admittedly a difficult text to interpret, allows for remarriage by the person sinned against in all cases where the Bible allowed the prior divorce. I also believe that Scripture allows remarriage by a person whose former spouse has divorced him or her unbiblically. I do not believe that the Bible allows remarriage by a person whose sin caused a divorce or by a person who divorced his or her spouse unbiblically.
7. All of us know that divorce, even where biblically allowed, is always a tragedy that causes deep pain and lasting consequences in the lives of the divorced parties and in the lives of their children. Virtually every divorced person I have ever talked to describes going through a divorce as being something like walking through the aftermath of the death of a close loved one. The church must seek to minister the grace and love of Christ to families caught up in the tragedy of divorce.
8. If you are the one whose sin caused your former spouse to divorce you, or if you divorced your spouse for unbiblical reasons, understand that divorce is not the unforgivable sin. God loves you and wants to supply you with his grace and mercy, especially through his people, to help you deal with your sin and experience his healing grace. If you confess your sin to the Lord, he will be faithful not only to forgive your sin but also to cleanse you from it (1 John 1:9).
9. If your former spouse was guilty of sin that led to your divorce, or if your former spouse divorced you unbiblically, only the Lord can give you the grace you need truly to forgive that former spouse and to experience the fullness of spiritual and emotional healing God has for you.
10. If you divorced someone unbiblically some years ago, or if someone divorced you unbiblically some years ago, and neither one of you has remarried, please consider before the Lord whether it is possible for you to seek reconciliation and remarriage to your former spouse.
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